Avoid These 10 Mistakes as an Expert Author – Part 3

Posted from http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/JohnChowDotCom/~3/uglYp0OZsZs/

Welcome to Part 3 of my series, where I’ll be discussing some more common mistakes made by “Expert Authors” that hurt their credibility. When writing content online, it’s important you have the required characteristics to attract visitors because only then can you profit from your online business. For example, without the author having credibility, it’s hard to resonate with your audience. If you can’t resonate with your audience, this will lower your bottom line and decrease conversions. Over the last several weeks, I’ve been writing about some of the common mistakes made by authors including factors like grammar, wrong audience, irrelevant content, not replying to feedback, etc.

Today, I’ll be wrapping up my series by looking at “3” more common mistakes made by authors. Let’s get started…

Lack Consistency

Once you build a reputation for providing value, it’s going to be something your readers want more of. They want to come back to your blog and find high value content relevant to your niche. However, if you lack consistency, you can destroy your bond with readers. I’m not saying you need to publish content every day but it’s important to have a regular posting schedule so your audience knows when they can expect an update. You’ve probably noticed many top bloggers will publish content every 3 days and have stuck to this schedule for several years. By doing this, they have consistently added value to their blog, which is great for their audience and search engines that are indexing your website.

I recommend having a regular posting schedule and if it’s hard to keep up on your own then you can always hire freelancers or encourage guest bloggers to join your team to write high quality content.

Post Format

You have to keep mixing up your blog content because different audiences will resonate with different types of content. Statistically, “list-posts” have been proven to increase engage 2 x because they’re right to the point and provide a lot of information quickly. However, as an “expert author”, you have to know what topic and/or keywords to focus on. List posts are only effective if you have them based around a popular topic. However, keep in mind, you have several different types of posts that’ll do very well with your audience, too. For example,

  • How-to
  • Video
  • Infographics
  • Interview
  • FAQ’s

These are all posts that can provide enormous value but it’s your duty as an “expert blogger” to know what type of content works well on your blog. This will happen through testing and tweaking while paying close attention to social shares.

Sharing Content

One of the best ways to build credibility is to keep your content in front of people relevant to your niche. What’s even more important is you utilize the avenues that have been proven to work. Social media is an awesome way to build momentum and engagement quickly because this is where a majority of people hang out and it’s been proven statistically. If you look at the growth of “3” major social media platforms, Facebook, Twitter, and Google+, in the last 10 years, you’ll noticed the jump is roughly 120%. That’s a staggering amount and is a clear picture of the success social media can bring when used correctly. However, here’s the tricky part…

Social media is only effective when you’ve researched, studied, and adopted the statistics into your campaign. For example, you need to know…

  • What time
  • What dates
  • What content
  • What #hashtags
  • What people

Having gathered all the right details and incorporating them into your campaign will help increase ROI. Don’t forget, social media engagement is FREE so this is a great way for beginners to increase growth on a very small monthly budget.

The One Strategy to Help You Create Meaningful Work

Posted from https://addicted2success.com/success-advice/the-one-strategy-to-help-you-create-meaningful-work/

This past week I had dinner with a friend who had recently returned from Japan. While hearing about her trip, the Japanese concept of Ikigai came up and had stayed on my mind for days. I found it really compelling and couldn’t help but delve into the topic.

Ikigai, pronounced (ee-kee-guy), translates to “One’s Reason for Being.” It is believed that everyone has an Iikigai and discovering it brings satisfaction and meaning to life. The challenge is to find it since it requires a deep and often lengthy search of self.

I invite you to explore whether you have found your meaningful work- your Ikigai- because if you haven’t then you might be working to help someone else achieve theirs.

Not too long ago, I was going through my own career struggle. I was extremely unhappy and disconnected to my work. I only wanted to wake up inspired and enjoy what I do, instead of playing various scenarios in my head telling my manager that I was ready to quit.

I had no clue what would be the best fit for me. I craved a meaningful career, not just a job to get by. I tried testing different options, but as time went by I lost hope that I would ever be able to discover my life’s work.

I was desperate for clarity, but instead, I was getting more and more confused. Later on, it became clear to me I was doing it all wrong. I was influenced by countless opinions and suggestions of others, all showing how work should be, which eventually resulted in a total choice paralysis: Should I start a business? Should I try to establish myself in a company? What was I even interested in? What was I truly good at?

When it finally became clear, I couldn’t believe it took me almost two years to figure it out, because it was so simple.

The one strategy I needed was starting backwards.

I started by unwinding my creative imagination and used a design thinking approach. I knew once I crafted a vision about work which could get me excited, I would be on the right track. In the beginning, I was trying to create my life around a career, instead of doing just the opposite. I had to first design the life I wanted to have and then search for what careers fit that lifestyle.

“The life you want begins by embracing the life you have.” – Rob Bell

I had to start backwards from the bigger vision of what I wanted my life and work to look like. Not many people will implement that approach, but for me, it made all the difference. I took my time to articulate my own perspective on life and work. I figured I should be asking myself different questions which would help me understand what I wanted for my life as a whole, not just my career, family, or social life.

Truth be told, our work consumes a huge amount of our time. Spending it asking the wrong questions won’t get us any further. The key to a happy and fulfilled life is to create a way to integrate all areas of life into a coherent lifestyle. A life that allows us to fully express ourselves and our beliefs in order to be content with how we spend our time. Essentially, all of us want to live a happy and fulfilled life as opposed to a mediocre existence.

I started with the bigger vision in mind and asked myself the following questions:

  • What is the lifestyle I want to have?
  • What do I want my day to day activities to be?
  • Where would I like to work from?
  • What hours and intensity of work do I want to commit to?
  • What is my social and family life going to look like?
  • What are the fields of interest that I would like to develop, learn and grow in?
  • Who and what is supporting my values and interests?
  • What is making me proud to say what I do for a living, and why?
  • What impact do I want to create for the society and for the community I am a part of?
  • How do I want to make money and how much money do I need to feel comfortable supporting myself and my family?

Once I reflected on all of these questions I was able to look at my life from a much more creative angle. I gave way to my imagination and curiosity, because I saw my life as a joyous experience I wanted to intentionally design. I was approaching my career with a whole new perspective, which allowed me to see opportunities I didn’t think existed before.

I have come to realize that our school system is more often preparing us for a scripted life. It isn’t set up to propel asking the important questions. In fact, there isn’t a class which teaches how to discover meaning and fulfillment. Climbing the corporate ladder only to wake up bored every morning isn’t what we signed up for, but somehow most of us end up doing just that.

“Create the highest grandest vision possible for your life, because you become what you believe.” – Oprah Winfrey

Today, I dare you to create your Ikigai- by getting clear on what you desire your life’s work to be. Start designing your vision with intention and you’ll encounter wonderful serendipities. The right people will come your way, opportunities will align and eventually, you’ll find yourself on the right track.

How will you make sure you achieve your goals? Comment below and share your plan with us!

How To Be A Good And Bad-Ass Boss

Posted from http://www.lifehack.org/656160/radical-candor-be-a-kickass-boss-without-losing-your-humanity?ref=rss

Radical Candor: Be a Kickass Boss without Losing Your Humanity by Kim Malone Scott is an inspirational and effective book to being a boss; enhance productivity and not seem like a total robot to your team. “The fastest path to artificial relationships at work, and to the gravitational pull of organisational mediocrity, is to insist that everyone have the same worldview before building relationships with them.”

The Boss way of doing things

Scott earned her stripes as a quite a success supervisor at Google and then decamped to Apple, where she evolved a category on superior management. She has earned growing reputation in recent years along with her crucial new approach to powerful control, the “radical candor” approach. “When bosses are too invested in everyone getting along they also fail to encourage the people on their team to criticise one another other for fear of sowing discord. They create the kind of work environment where being “nice” is prioritised at the expense of critiquing and therefore improving actual performance.”

An approach to become a well-balanced boss

Radical candor is the sweet spot among managers who are obnoxiously competitive on one facet and ruinously empathetic on the other. It’s about supplying guidance, which involves a mixture of reward as well as complaint—added to supply higher results and help personnel obtain. Excellent bosses have strong relationships with their personnel, and Scott has recognised three simple concepts for constructing higher relationships together with your employees: make it private, get (sh)it done, and understand why it matters.

A manual for controlling your employees naturally

Radical Candor offers a manual to those bewildered or exhausted through control, written for bosses and those who manipulate bosses. Taken from years of the author’s enjoy, and distilled without a doubt giving actionable training to the reader; it indicates managers the way to be successful while maintaining their humanity, finding that means of their process, and creating an environment wherein humans both love their paintings and their colleagues. “That’s why it’s crucial to remind people that an important part of Radically Candid relationships is opening yourself to the possibility of connecting with people who have different world views or whose lives involve behaviour that you don’t understand or that may even conflict with a core belief of yours. It’s possible to care personally about a person who disagrees with your views on abortion or guns or God.”

Reading duration: 5 hours 37 minutes

An influential book for people that have power over a team of people and want to get things done. Get Radical Candor from Amazon at $15.65

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Let This "5 Minute Journal" be Your Kids' First Ever Mindfulness Journal

Posted from http://www.lifehack.org/656608/a-journal?ref=rss

kids

How are you inspiring your kids to develop positive attitudes? When it comes to understanding positive thinking, children get better at it as they grow older. However, by carefully nurturing it, positive thinking can be a powerful resource for the child. It helps in building resilience in such a child. The child can develop enough strength to help deal with the challenges of life. The Five Minute Journal for Kids is here to help model your kids and develop positive thinking in their lives.

Guide Your Kids to Mindfulness

The Five Minute Journal for Kids is an incredible journal designed to help teach your little ones the act of gratitude, thankfulness, and mindfulness. The journal makes use of daily guided questions to help your kids focus more on the good things life has to offer.

The Five Minute Journal for Kids features 5 daily interesting, easy-to-understand questions for your kids. These questions have been divided into morning and night sections.

In addition to that, the journal also features daily inspirational quotes to help inspire your kids. It features words of the day to help develop and improve your child’s grammar and vocabulary. There are also weekly challenges to help instill and inspire kindness and greater confidence in your child.

Perfect First Journal to Instill Gratitude and Mindfulness, & Preserve Positive Memories

Gratitude is an important component of mindfulness which helps improve the concentration levels of kids. It helps them in making better decisions. The Five Minute Journal for Kids remains the perfect first journal to instill gratitude and mindfulness in your little ones.

Apart from helping them learn and grow, it also helps your kids in preserving positive memories for years to come. In just five minutes a day, you can inspire daily reflection and help your kids in developing a positive attitude.

My 6 yr old was inspired when I read him mine – and he insists on doing his every day and night too!! This is great to focus and be mindful of every day and see every day as a gift and with opportunities” – Amazon Customer.

Get For Your Child Today!

If you want your kids to start practicing positive habits at a very young age, The Five Minute Journal for Kids is the perfect way to get it done. Get for your child today, as you help increase their self-confidence as they grow, handle the challenges of life with greater ease. Get it here.

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Smart Phone is The Workplace Terrorist

Posted from http://www.lifehack.org/656665/external-content-6?ref=rss

Smart phones have slowly taken over various aspects of our lives including the running of businesses, monetary transactions, and even social interactions. People have invested too much time and energy into these devices, including their laptops and PCs. Recent studies have shown that some people rate their smart phones as more important in comparison to their close friends and some even though that it rated higher in comparison to their parents.

Smart phones have been known to lead to depression, anxiety, and even stress. Additionally, these devices could lead to behavioral changes.

This read will help you understand why the Smartphone is extremely dangerous to their users and how to minimize or prevent the effects of this device from taking place.

Why Are Smart phones Dangerous?

Most people have become slaves to their phones. This is through the invention and use of social media sites such as Instagram Gmail, Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest, among others. Performance increases with an increased distance between an owner and his or her phone.

This behavioral change reduces the concentration perform, thus making people underperform in the society. This greatly affects all aspects of a person’s life including their future salary payment and even their creativity. Reduce this danger by indulging in the following actions:

  • Turn off your notifications with the exception of calls and messages
  • Restrict the use of your phone to making calls, sending messages, taking pictures and videos.
  • Leave all WhatsApp group chats that are irrelevant
  • Use it to build and grow your brand by using it to read books listen to audio books, listen to music, watch relevant YouTube videos, and even listen to podcasts.

The Result of Minimizing the Danger

Reducing Smartphone use leads to the fulfillment of goal and visions. This is because it frees up time and allows the user to focus on relevant issues and relationships. It boosts your attention span and helps you create an environment that supports your creative flow.

Strive to improve your life by working out, rekindling old relationships, thinking of business plans, spending more time with your family, or reading books. You do not have to maximize your productivity by changing your entire routine. Analyze your routine and change or alter the most unimportant thing. This small step might be the key to increasing your productivity.

Maximize the Result of Your Productivity

Once you gain back your productivity, take advantage of it by maximizing its potential. Use your free time to formulate new ideas and become more effective and efficient. Plan your day and learn the peak productivity points of it. This will help you establish the appropriate time to work or rest. Some people are more productive during the day, while others thrive at night. Learn to avoid situations that direct you to reduce your productivity by increasing the time that you spend on your phone. This includes those marketers who try to convince other people to that working form their phone is convenient. The truth is that it is convenient for them and not for the Smartphone user.

It is clear that the cons of Smart phones outweigh their pros. To read the full article, click here.

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If You Want an Invincible Team, Make Them Feel Safe

Posted from http://www.lifehack.org/652120/if-you-want-an-invincible-team-make-them-feel-safe?ref=rss

If you are a team leader, it is possible you may have come across one or more of the following problems:

  • Members of your team rarely attend meetings, and if they do seem to be uninspired or lacking in energy. This can render meeting utterly useless.
  • You may find that your team has trouble coming up with any new, interesting, or alternative ideas or solutions. There may be a real lack of critical thinking in your team.
    This can kill productivity.
  • During meetings or discussions, some members may remain quiet, or if they do speak may allude to there being a problem somewhere,but never specify what it is.
    This may mean serious issues in your team may go unresolved, massively affecting the functioning of your team.
  • If you want to see if your team agrees to something, you might feel that some are merely agreeing for the sake of agreement. This could be a real problem as these people might have great ideas.

Any one of these can prove extremely problematic, more than one of these can be potentially disastrous.

All is not lost however, these issues, and more, often stem from the same issue, and with that issue identified, it can be resolved.
The issue is this, the team suffers from a lack of Psychological safety.

What is psychological safety?

Psychological safety is the (often shared) belief that the team is an environment where it is safe to take risks. To share ideas and speak openly without fear of criticism or ridicule.

Years ago, Google began Project Aristotle,[1] a project to determine how to engineer the most effective team possible. Google spent years studying 180 different teams in detail. Their research was so detailed that they even kept track of how often the team members ate together. In this project Google learned a great deal about how effective teams function. One thing that they noticed, is that key to almost all successful teams, is that they were environments of psychological safety.

As each team member felt free to contribute and speak up, they became hotbeds of ideas, team members were much less likely to leave, and ultimately, were more successful. All because of psychological safety.

Benefits of psychological safety

The key benefit of psychological safety is that it fosters and encourages collaboration and interaction in the team.

It can often be difficult to tell at first if an idea you have is any good. Someone may have a fantastic idea but might not speak up about it out of fear that they will be embarrassed. If your team is in an environment that people feel comfortable to speak freely in, they will naturally begin to produce ideas. Some ideas will be better than others of course (but even bad ones may be improved in an effective team). Ten bad or mediocre ideas are better than no ideas at all.

In psychologically safe teams, people won’t fear making mistakes so much, and with this, even if they make mistakes, they’ll be more likely to learn from them, increasing their future effectiveness.

Consider brainstorming, (or even improv comedy!), the reason why it’s so popular, is because they foster psychologically safe environments. Think about it, in an effective brainstorming session, every member of the team is contributing, soon you might have dozens of ideas and plans made where before you only had a handful. Sure not all of these ideas may be workable, but their sheer existence demonstrates that each member of the team feels they can contribute, they feel included.

However, if before one person came up with a bad idea that was shot down and overly criticized, they may be less likely to speak up in the future, even if they have a potentially groundbreaking idea. As such, it’s difficult to go wrong with a psychologically safe team.

All that is needed is for people to feel that they can speak up, even voice criticisms if they have them. People will engage in a team more if they feel a part of it, and that they are shaping it, and who knows, maybe in their critique is an idea that will massively increase the effectiveness, and with it, the success of your team.

But where do you start?

It all starts with you.

Psychological safety is not something that can appear organically by itself out of nowhere. If the team environment is not psychologically safe, then the team leader must work hard to make it a safe environment. Here are some tips to get you on your way:

  • Lead by example. Become a model of what you think the ideal team member should be, if nobody else speaks, ask people things, keep encouraging people to interact with the group. Make sure this is done in a friendly way though, otherwise people might only say what they think you want them to say.
    Essentially, ask a lot of questions.
  • Don’t cut off conversation. If someone is speaking, or a few people have a good conversation going, let it flow naturally.
    To cut off the conversation will give the impression that people are not allowed to speak freely, and thus you’ll be back at square one.
  • If speak following something, make sure to summarize it in your own words, and if you think you misunderstood what some one says, ask for clarification. This will demonstrate that you are listening and care about what they have to say.
  • Never respond judgmentally. If someone feels that you are critical of their opinion, they will no longer give it, and thus the environment will once again become a psychologically unsafe one.
  • Don’t be an overlord. It is important to come across as someone who makes mistakes, someone human. Even something as simple as saying, “sorry, I might have missed something” will help build a stronger connection with your team members than if you just used your authority.
    It’s game over if your team members begin to resent working too.

With these tips you should be well on your way to making your team a more effective, dynamic, and more successful than it has ever been.

Reference

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The Voice Inside Your Head Is Playing with You

Posted from http://www.lifehack.org/651369/the-voice-inside-your-head-is-playing-with-you?ref=rss

When LeBron James talked about his decision to leave Cleveland for the Miami Heat back in 2010, he was met with a barge of negativity. People burned his jersey. Longtime fans turned on him.

Leborn was able to create distance from the situation simply by changing how he talked about the situation,[1]

I wanted to do what was best for LeBron James, and what LeBron James was going to do to make him happy.

He was facing a negative situation and the negative reactions of fans, but he was able to use positive words to explain his decision. If he would have responded to the negativity directly by saying, “yes I’m sad that people burned my jersey, it makes me feel unappreciated and vulnerable”, the situation and the negativity would have grown worse.

The critical voice inside our head

Most don’t realize it, but as we go about our daily lives, we are subconsciously interpreting every situation that arises–both big and small. We have an internal voice inside our mind that shapes our perception about what we are experiencing.

Some of our internal conversations can be negative, unrealistic, self-defeating and self-deprecating. We say things like, ‘I’m going to fail for sure’, or ‘I didn’t do well. I’m hopeless. I’m useless.’

Negative self-talk can come from:

  • A bad mood that stirs up negative thoughts.
  • The habit of being overly critical which may stem from your childhood.
  • Pessimism and always expecting the worst.
  • Negative past experiences and the persistent belief that history repeats itself.
  • Fear, anxiety, worries, depression and the different kinds of psychological problems that feed and perpetuate negative thinking.

The consequences of negative self-talk builds over time. Each time you engage in negative self-talk, you shoot yourself an arrow. Each arrow by itself is fairly insignificant. But over time, it can break you. Repeatedly berating yourself and believing the worse slowly sabotages you.

Thinking of yourself as clumsy, a loser, ugly , stupid, insignificant or worthless is an indicator that your self-talk is negative and you may be slowly orchestrating your own demise. Internal negativity makes you see yourself as irreparably flawed, inadequate or incompetent and as a result your self confidence is diminished.

Seeing yourself as hopeless, blaming yourself whenever something goes wrong or dwelling on worst-case scenarios are all examples of exaggerated, negative thought patterns. And this kind of distorted thinking can cause you to spiral downward until you’re so far down you are unable to see or imagine anything positive.

Negative self-talk reinforces any irrational ideas you already have. Each time you mentally rehearse negative phrases, you strengthen those irrational beliefs and perceptions. And with time, your negativity gathers the strength to cripple–and in some cases– even kill you.

Ridding yourself of negative self-talk

Replacing a negative mindset with a positive one requires slow and methodical effort. Here are a few steps that can help you recognize, stop and replace negative thoughts with positive ones:

  1. Identify the times negative self-talk arises.
  2. Identify what triggered those thoughts.
  3. Counter your negative thoughts with positive–factual ones.
  4. Create yourself a script that you can use to counter negative thoughts as soon as they arise.

When thoughts such as “I am worthless” arise, counter them with more realistic thoughts such as “my kids need me” or “my colleague values my work.” Each time you counter negative statements with positive facts, your negative thoughts lose power.

Try to view each situation objectively, like an outsider looking in and then try to determine what is best for that person (you) in that situation, similar to what Lebron James did.

Repeating this cycle over and over trains your mind to seek out and focus on the positive. And slowly positive thoughts will become your default. You have power over how you precieve life and how you interact with it. The first step in being fulfilled and achieving your goals begins by training that small voice in your head to speak positivity.

Featured photo credit: pixabay via pixabay.com

Reference

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Entitled Kids Are Parents' Biggest Enemies

Posted from http://www.lifehack.org/650174/entitled-kids-are-parents-biggest-enemies?ref=rss

An old Proverb says “Wealth gotten by vanity shall be diminished: but he that gathers by labor shall increase.” It is good advice. We probably have applied this to our own lives already. We believe that nothing good or worthwhile comes easily, so we work hard to earn what we want. Unfortunately, kids these days seem to be missing that message. They are growing up feeling and acting as though their mere existence entitles them to money, the newest smart phone, TVs, designer clothes, and more. The entitlement attitude is pervasive in our culture and it starts with what we are teaching our children.

If we don’t want our culture to be entitled, we need to start preventing entitlement in our own homes. That way, 20 years from now, you won’t have a 30 year old living in your guest suite using your credit card for their needs because they have no desire to go out and earn it for themselves.

How entitlement begins

None of us wants to think that we are making our children feel entitled. However, it happens easily to all of us, especially to good parents. Parents who try hard to give their children a good, happy, and full childhood easily fall into the entitlement parenting trap. It’s because of a parent’s desire to make their child happy that they give too much. Their child grows up without any wanting. Needs and desires are met by the parent and thus the child not only feels, but knows that their parent is there to provide for them.

Needs are essential to be met by parents, but what about all those wants? Is a phone a want or a need? What kind of clothing becomes a want instead of a need? You as a parent need to start differentiating between needs and wants in order to properly parent in a manner that works to diminish entitlement attitudes.

We want our children to feel happy and loved, but our efforts can be undermining them mentally. We may be feeding into the development of their entitlement attitude by doing and giving too much. Psychology Today examines children’s sense of entitlement and states,[1]

Yet, when children receive everything they want, we feed into their sense of entitlement—and feelings of gratitude fall by the wayside. It’s what Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions, believes is a “Me, Me, Me” epidemic brought on by parents doing everything they can to insure their children’s happiness.

Good parents who are trying very hard unfortunately are feeding into the entitlement epidemic when they give their kids too much. Wanting your children to be happy is wonderful, but there are ways to help develop their character so that the entitlement attitude does not seep into your household.

How to know if your child is acting entitled

There are some indicators with your child’s behavior that will show you whether or not they have or are developing an attitude of entitlement. These are just some examples:

  • They do not handle losing well.
  • They do not congratulate winning opponents (whether it be in sports, a board game, or simply a race on the playground).
  • They do not cope well with being told “no”.
  • They do not make an effort to help around the household.
  • When asked to help, they whine and complain, as though they should not be expected to help in the household.
  • They often think the rules apply to other people and not to them.
  • If they have a problem in school or life, they expect you as the parent to take care of the problem for them.
  • They expect to be rewarded for good behavior with toys or treats, rather than good behavior being expected from the parents and does not require rewards. This is especially true in public places such as going to the market.
  • They do not care about the feelings, needs, or desires of others. Act selfish and self centered in general.
  • They do not accept responsibility for the behavior or things that have gone wrong that are their fault. Make excuses or passes the blame to others.
  • Things are never enough for them. They always want more, bigger, or better of whatever it may be that they currently have or are doing.
  • They do not express genuine gratitude when appropriate, such as getting a gift or a compliment. You as a parent are always having to prompt them to say “thank you”.
  • If their friend has something, the expectation is that they should have it too.
  • If they request a list of items for a birthday or holiday, then they expect that they will receive all of the items on their list. If they do not get all of the requested items, they will be disappointed, rather than grateful for what they did get.
  • They always seek to be the first and are upset or greatly disappointed when they are not the first (i.e. first in line, first to get a task completed, first to finish an exercise).

How to prevent entitlement

Preventing entitlement starts with the parent. It can start today. You have the power to say “yes” and to say “no” to your child. You, as parent, are the rule maker and can help pave the way to making your kids grateful rather than entitled. Below are some tips to pave the way with your family to preventing entitlement.

Stop doing

Stop doing everything for your child. Allow them to do things that they can do for themselves. If they are able to handle a complex video game, then they are more than capable of doing the dishes, raking leaves, making their bed, and more.

We don’t give our kids enough credit. They are far more capable then we recognize. Kids at the age of 5 are out on street corners selling candy and goods to tourists in third world countries. They make change for buyers, interact with their buyers, and work all day to help provide income for their family. Therefore, we can certainly expect our own 5 year-olds to make their bed, unload the dishwasher, and clean up their toys.

Children are smart, capable, and hard working when properly motivated. If the expectation is that they can complete a task then they will be able to do it. If the expectation is that they cannot do something, then they won’t be able to do it. You, the parent, are the agent to empower them to do things by asking, providing them with directions, and then setting the expectation that they will complete the task at hand.

Empower your children by doing less for them. If they are capable of doing something, then let them do it!

Teach them to be good losers

Your child will not win at everything. Therefore, they need to learn the art of being a gracious loser. From a young age, they should be taught to congratulate the winner and to shake their opponent’s hand. Talk to your child about winning and losing. Let them know it is ok to lose. It is an opportunity to learn and become better. They should congratulate the winner because someday they may be the winner and it will be nice to have others providing the congratulatory messages to them.

The world is a better place if we can be happy for the successes of others, especially if those people are friends and family. When playing games as a family or with friends, teach them by example. Congratulate the winners whole-heartedly and make the winner feel good about their achievement, even it if is just Chutes and Ladders.

For the losers, you say “better luck next time” and give them a genuine smile. Teach your child that these are the ways we show kindness to others, especially when we lose. This is a harder lesson for younger children to grasp, but be consistent with your own behavior and your insistence that they act the same way when they do not win. Eventually your hard work should pay off and you will have a child who has genuinely learned to be happy for others because they know what it is like to be a winner and a loser and they cannot win at all times.

Use the opportunity of failure or losing to explain to your child about some of the greats in this world that did not at first succeed. Oprah did not get her first TV job she interviewed for and Tom Hanks dropped out of college and was a bellhop before he became famous. You can also use the opportunity to discuss what they did well in their game or whatever it was that they just lost. Point out the good and then ask them what they think they could improve upon. Let them think introspectively on this, rather than you pointing it out. Otherwise, you will just come across as the critical parent, which is insult to injury following a loss.

Talk about responsibility for their actions

We all have encountered that adult in life who constantly blames other people for the bad things that happen in their life. It is never their own fault. It is always someone else that has caused their demise. These adults were once children. This behavior likely started in childhood and they never overcame this attitude. They don’t know how to accept responsibility for their actions.

Parents must teach their children from a young age to take responsibility for their wrong doings. If they make a mistake they own up to it. Instead of belittling the child for their wrong doing, use it as a learning opportunity. Engage them in a discussion about what happened and why. Allow them to take responsibility and ownership of their role in the situation, yet follow it up with discussion on how it is an opportunity for the child to learn and grow. They can have a different course of action the next time something similar happens. Help them determine a better action for handling the situation, so the next time it arises, they are better equipped mentally and emotionally to take on the event, person, or circumstance.

“I am sorry” is a powerful phrase. Adults that fail to apologize, were not properly taught as kids to use this phrase. Teach your children to use it now and use it often. For the big mistakes and the little mistakes. When they apologize, they should be taught to be specific with their apology. “I am sorry for (fill in the blank)”. Taking responsibility means a heartfelt apology. Often they need to understand how their actions hurt the other person in order to provide a heartfelt apology. If they don’t understand how the other person is feeling, it is hard to feel sorry for the action. Therefore, a parent who can take the time to help the child understand how the hurt party is feeling will better equip your child with empathy and compassion.

For example, if your child stole their best friend’s new ball cap, then sit down and have a conversation with your child before you take them to their friend’s home to return the hat and apologize. You ask your child, “how would you feel if you had the hat stolen and it was something you worked hard for doing chores to raise the money to purchase the hat or it was a gift from a relative you love greatly?” Help them empathize with the loss that their friend may be feeling. Rather than yell at them for their wrong doing, use it as an opportunity to learn from their mistake and become better. Having to return the hat and apologize will be a punishment in itself.

Talk about the value of a dollar

It is important to talk about money from a young age. Children need to learn about the value of money and its essential nature in our lives. Talking about money and cost of living should be an on-going conversation in your household. They need to understand that food, a home, transportation, and clothing all require money. Money comes from working. They should also see that there are times when you too can’t have something you desire. Talk openly about a budget, so that one day when you say “it is not in the budget”, they understand what you mean.

It is difficult for a child to understand the value of a dollar if they have never had to earn one. One of the best ways for a child to learn to appreciate the value of a dollar is for them to earn money. If they are too young to be employed, they can still earn cash in the neighborhood shoveling driveways, babysitting, dog walking, pet sitting, and working for friends and neighbors. They can also begin doing household chores and be provided an allowance for the chores that they complete. If you already have chores and they are required as a part of being a member of the family or household, then provide extra jobs over and above the regular chores that they can then earn money for completing. The point is for them to earn it themselves. They do the work and they earn a fair wage.

Don’t be indulgent and over pay your child for the chores they complete or you are undermining your efforts to teach them the value of a dollar. Make a list of the chores and the amount of money they will earn for completing the jobs. This way they know what is exactly expected and how much money they can earn. Then when it comes time for the next special toy or technology they come asking for, you can help them earn it rather than give it to them.

Just say no and make them work for it

You are the parent. You can say “no”. You should say “no”. Have you ever met a child who has never been told “no” by their parents? If you have, you know that child is the most spoiled kid in need of a serious attitude adjustment. When parents are quick to say yes all the time, then kids grow up thinking that the world will say “yes” to their every whim and desire. That’s not the real world though.

Our kids will experience rejection, heartache, and being told no many times in the course of their life. If they can experience it in the home and learn how to handle the “no” and deal with it, they are better off in the long run. They will be better equipped to handle a no in the real world, because you have said no enough times that they can emotionally handle the disappointment. They also know the alternatives. For example, if its a new video game that they want, you tell them no, you must earn it. From there the child goes to look at the chart and calculates which and how many of the chores they must complete in order to earn the video game. They will also learn other valuable skills in this process, such as time management, because they will need to set aside time every day for a number of days or weeks to complete all the tasks to earn the amount of money they need.

Saying “no” and providing alternatives for your child to earn what they want is empowering. You are teaching them to fish. An old proverb says,

“if you give a man a fish he will eat for a day, if you teach a man to fish he will eat for a lifetime”.

Teach your child how to earn for themselves so they can be better equipped for a lifetime.

Delayed gratification is also powerful. When children learn that they can earn something for themselves that they truly want, then when they do finally earn it they feel empowered. They worked hard and they made their goal happen. They earned it themselves. This is a powerful agent to help increase self esteem. Keep the chore list going, so that your child has the opportunity to grow their self worth by completing tasks and earning the things that they want in life.

Help them find gratitude

Much like teaching your children the art of being a good loser and how to apologize, teaching gratitude is an ongoing lesson. There is a saying,

“Gratitude begins where my sense of entitlement ends.”

Children learn to be grateful first when they do not get everything they desire. What happens when they get everything they want and ask for is that they expect everything they ask for. You set the expectation by saying “yes” too often. Allow for them to want. Not for basic necessities of course, but for things above and beyond the essentials in life. They will become grateful for the things that they do get when they are not handed everything they ask for.

Teach them to say thank you. Talk about how when someone gives them a nice gift that person (or their Mom or Dad) had to go to work to earn the money to buy that gift. Talk about how it is nice to have generous friends and family because not everyone has that in their life. Make them responsible for thanking others, both verbally and in writing. When your child receives a gift have them write a thank you note in return. It does not need to be long and eloquent. Just the practice of taking the time to write thank you and that the gift is appreciated helps them practice gratitude. They can carry this valuable skill into adulthood.

Grateful people are also happier people, so help your child see that they should be grateful for the blessings, big and small, in their life.

Help them practice giving back to other

Find opportunities for you and your child to give back to others. It can be through material things, but even more valuable when your time is given. Giving your time with your child to others is of great value and a great life lesson. Your child being exposed to others less fortunate is helpful in curbing entitlement.

Kids Giving Back supports families getting into their community to give back. They state,

We strongly believe that when young people volunteer they develop respect, resilience, and leadership skills, as well as the ability and opportunity to positively engage in the wider community. Our philosophy embraces volunteering as a two-way street, giving children and their families an opportunity to change lives, including their own.

Teaching your child to give back to others is empowering to them on so many levels from creating leadership skills, problem solving skills, and self esteem from the experience of helping others in need. Teaching kids that there are others in the world that have so much less than them will help them become more grateful. Having them serve others also makes them more service oriented and creates an awareness of the need to help others in this world.

Entitlement attitudes fall by the wayside when a child has learned the value and importance of helping others and giving to others in need.

Featured photo credit: Picjumbo via picjumbo.com

Reference

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I Can’t Always Be Mr Success And Neither Can You.

Posted from https://addicted2success.com/success-advice/i-cant-always-be-mr-success-and-neither-can-you/

Today I stuffed up big time.

I’ve spent the last five years becoming disciplined and learning every self-improvement hack I could.

I’ve tried very hard not to drink too much alcohol, minimise my sugar intake, reframe from swearing, treat people better, give more to those in need and be an all round good human being.

But today I F*#ked that up. Can you believe it?

Well, you better.

As hard as I try to be successful, there are going to be times when I mess up. Today was the day I was put to the test.

So today we had a function for work, and we went to a secluded island to sit back, relax, and let our hair down. We had to board a ferry to the island and there was a long line of people. Our group was at the front because we had waited for the longest.

When we finally got to the front, a young lady attempted to push in. Without thinking, my friend and I prevented the cue-cutting attempt. What happened next shocked me. This lady then began dishing out all sorts of insults.

She made fun of the way I looked, accused me of being such a low life that I must be single, had a crack at my financial position and everything under the sun. I managed to reframe from overreacting until I let one insult slip.

That insult is what surprised me. I’ve tried so much to be well behaved and then in the heat of the moment I broke the promise to myself.

 

It’s normal to mess up.

Okay, so I’ve been well-behaved for quite a while and you probably have to. It’s not the end of the world when you fall back into your old ways for a brief moment. The key is to acknowledge when you’ve returned to an old pattern and stop yourself.

The moment I let out that inappropriate insult, I knew I’d stepped over the line. It didn’t feel good. I felt guilty. I wanted to take it back but couldn’t because the young woman had left.

“If you try and cruise through life, and never break your commitments, you’ll fail and hate yourself”

There needs to be some room for stuff ups. You have to be okay with being imperfect once in a while.

 

The idea is to outweigh the bad.

What I mean by this is that you need to aim for 51% or more of quality habits, conversations, gestures, etc. The more you tip the scales over to the good side, the less you’ll be tempted to fall back to your old ways.

 

Shooting your mouth off like I did is only a temporary blemish.

You can come back from it and it all starts with taking ownership. Being in denial or acting like you did nothing is not okay. Being a leader and admitting the error in your ways takes guts and that will lead you towards success in the long run.

“Don’t let a brief moment of madness ruin all the progress you’ve made”

Make your temporary mishaps parts of the self-improvement process and use them as a lesson. Experience the regret that comes with being out of alignment with your true self.

This personal incongruency is the motivation you need to stand true to your commitments.

 

Sometimes we all need a reminder.

Otherwise, we forget the life we’ve left behind and it becomes far to easy to lose the plot and rack up a scorecard of negative activities. That slap in the face that you get when you go back to the past and reunite with your addictions and temptations is exactly what you need.

Reconnecting with the past gives you perspective. It also shows you how far you’ve come. The moment your personal progress is under threat, you’ll be surprised how quickly your mind puts you back on the path you were on.

 

It always starts with trying to be right.

Falling back to your old ways always starts with trying to be right. It’s because we all secretly hold rules of how life is supposed to be and when someone violates that rule, we risk going back to our former self. You can’t always be right so stop pretending you can be.

Don’t let trying to be right all the time stand in the way of all the progress you have made. I know it sucks when someone does something that violates what you believe but think before you take action. There are times when you should stand up and there are other times (like my recent encounter) when you should just reframe from going down the rabbit hole of rules you wished people would live by.

 

The truth is we all stuff up.

Even your favorite pop star Katy Perry loses her mind once in a while. That’s right I saw when she was interviewed by a therapist and she had a brief moment of huge failure, embarrassment, and dirty laundry aired on TV. It’s okay.

Once you understand that there are times you are going to do the opposite of what your goals say, and that’s cool, you’ll live a much more relaxed life.

 

Try forgiveness.

This is what I tried after the mishap on the ferry. I permitted myself to mess up. I told myself I was sorry and committed to making up for what I’d done. The most difficult person to forgive is yourself a lot of the time and that’s who needs it the most.

Don’t just try and be kind to others; be kind to yourself too. If you forgive yourself more often when things go wrong, you’ll discover what it’s like to take failure and disappointment by the curly ones and own your life.

 

Life is about owning your successes and your mishaps.

The mishaps lead to your success, eventually.

Never forget that. I’m not successful 24/7 and neither are you.

If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net